Success without Overwhelm

You are a baddy and you want to do big things.

And yet, you may find yourself asking, how the hell do some people get so much done in a day, while others who have big goals, a strong work ethic and are smart AF flounder and have nothing to show for it?

I believe the answer to that question comes from how you define your success. And the truth is that the only definition of success, the one that will get you out of bed in the morning, the one that will keep you focused and on the path of doing the hard things, is your own version of success.

Not your mom's.

Not that influencer's version.

Not the one that you crafted for yourself when you were 18.

A very simple question that leaves my clients, and used to leave me, stumped, is what does success mean to you?

When you are not clear on that answer, or you are operating on an old playbook, or an answer that is not yours, you will find yourself often overwhelmed with shit to do, or underwhelmed with results.

A lot of you may answer that question with a title (ie: Director of marketing) or a salary. But then you may be missing the other areas of life that aid in your success--like positive self concept, how you want to show up as a mom, strong sense of community and belonging, and healthy energy management strategies.

You may focus on the thing only, but not how you want to be about achieving that thing. A big lie you may tell yourself is that you need to work more to get more, and to be more successful. Or that you need to sacrifice yourself (sleep, time with friends and family, personal hobbies) to be taken seriously and ensure you focus.

I like to blame some of this on hustle culture steeped in masculine energy and David Goggins, and the rest of it on all or nothing thinking. Anything you want to have in life requires you to believe you can achieve it and do the work in a state of confidence. When you are constantly sacrificing your emotional well being and physical well being to get whatever you want, you will either fail to achieve what you want, or if you do get it, you will get it at the cost of things that do not serve you in the long-term. 

A few years ago, right before I made a leap to do my own thing, I was working at a large company and by all means I looked successful. My title was hot, I had a big sexy org chart with lots of reports who had reports and dotted lines, and I had a really strong reputation internally and within the industry.

And yet…I felt that I was carrying around a briefcase full of crackers-- that's my description of things that look good on the outside, but on the inside is a sham.

I wanted to spend more time with my kids. I wanted to work remotely. I did not want to manage adults anymore. I was sick of office politics.

I was bored to tears in the work I was doing. I really felt a tug in my heart to own my own business.

And yet, I was living this version of success that I had when I was 23.

I did not revise this definition of success despite my life, my needs changing.

So my life wasn't bad… but it also wasn't mine.

And what happened is that I was not taking the time to determine what my one whole-ass life was to be about. I kept telling myself, put the time in, it's only for a little while, or wait until you get a new boss, a new title, that asshat sales person moves on…. But here is the thing… I was failing to take accountability for my life… my time…my definition of success.

When I turned 40, I wrote a letter from my future self to my current self, and that was really the first time I let myself be honest about what I wanted. And when I was done writing I was scared AF because I knew something had to change and that something was me. Then I got even more scared because I didn't know how… but then, I was shockingly let go as a part of a huge corporate layoff move. My job and 400 other roles were removed.

That was an act of God. Now, this is a thing that happened to me, but also for me.

But I don't want you to wait. I don't want you to wait to decide what you want. I don't want you to work yourself into a prolonged sickness. I don't want you to wake up at 3 a.m. questioning your existence and your ability to "do it all."

You deserve to build a life that brings you joy and prosperity. But then you have to define it--- not just the result, but the values, the actions, the feelings that define it.

Sure you may have some divine interventions to help you get there (like I did with my severance from God), but you have to get the ball rolling by calling the damn shots on what you want from your one precious life and limited time to be about.

The only definition of success that matters is your own.

If you don't know what that means to you, how will you know when to make moves towards it?

 Now is the time. Grab a journal, pause this podcast, and get cozy. It is time to address success in terms of your whole-self-- meaning not just the end state, but the journey it takes to get there and how you want to go about that journey and what values remain in tact to fuel you when shit gets hard.

So when you think about what success means to you I want you to determine the following:

What does your life look like?

What does work look life?

How do you feel?

How do you want to show-up on that journey?

What does this version of success matter to you?

How are you going to take care of yourself to ensure you move forward?

What values or principles guide your journey?

Take time to answer these questions, so that you when you go about doing the work, you are not working against yourself.

I believe in you.

Let's F'ing go.