Stop Over-Functioning

In talking to 99% of my clients, friends and network, they all struggle with feeling spread thin AF and then guilty for not doing what they would/should or could if they had more energy and more time.

Some of you want to feel more worthy. Some of you want to feel more present. Some of you want to quit working at an office so you can save commute time and devote more time to your kids.

All of you are snowflakes with your own personal dreams and desires. And you deserve to live this one precious life in alignment with your values, your interests and ultimately, your dharma.

And when you are exhausted, burnt out and overwhelmed you cannot be the queen you are.

You also have lots of plates spinning. I know some of you have a full-time job with a lot of sexy responsibilities. You also have a home to manage. Some of you are in a relationship  and need to keep that relationship humming. Some of you have kids. Some of you have aging parents that you're caring for… you get the picture- the story of your life is full. And you wouldn't have it any other way, except when your life is feeling unmanageable and you're wrecked with this sense of guilt.

You are asking yourself questions like… why can't I have more energy?

Why can't I just make time for (whatever gets putting on your to do list week after week)?

Why aren't things simpler?

You think you are barely functioning- but you may actually be over-functioning.

Over-functioning refers to the tendency to take on more responsibilities than necessary, often to the detriment of you own well-being. For many women--working moms in particular-- the pressure to juggle career, family, and personal life can lead to this pattern.

You may be over-functioning because you truly believe that no one does things the way you do them, so you don't fully get support (and ask for it, or allow it).

Or it could be because you believe that in order to get anything you had to work really hard for it- and then you feel like everything in your life requires the same level of work.

Maybe you feel a sense of guilt when you don't go all in on every single thing, so you add more to your list, but you don't remove anything and you are just crawling through your days.

You see if you are burnt out all the time, it is likely because you are doing shit that drains you, or you are taking on too much at once.

 If you want a life by design, and you want to live a life where what matters most gets the best of you, not the rest of you, then you need start be determining where you will take your energy and channel it, and where you will leave shit the hell alone… or where you will give AF and where you will not F with things any longer.

In college you probably had to get certain grades in classes that mattered for your major--- for example, I had to and wanted to, get a good grade in technical writing and marketing classes. But when it came to accounting- a class I sucked at regardless of the effort- I had to accept letting this grade slide, because I had no intention of counting beans- I only wanted to eat them.

See what I mean, Queen?

There are a lot of reasons why you are here, but I want to get you there-- on the other side. So here is a very simple tool that can help you and has certainly helped me.

It's called the take it and leave it list.  

Start with a list of all the areas in your life. Here is a starter:

• Health

• Family/Kids/Pets

• Relationship

• Finances

• Career

• Community

• Spirituality

• Growth

• Home Chores/Projects

• Travel/Hobbies/Leisure

Within these buckets, create a column in each bucket. At the top of one of the columns, label it Take It, the other label Leave it and the last, label Park It.

Then classify all of the people, places and things that are going on in each of the bucket and operate with a window of 12 weeks or less, so you are focusing on the urgent and important.

•  Take It- These are the things that need the A-level effort from you. They get scheduled. They are holy. If I ask to see your week, these areas are getting the most of your time and energy.

• Leave It-These are the things that don't make you better, don't matter, and may only be supporting your over-functioning. Drop the ball. Let it go. Delegate. Outsource. Delete. Expect less.

• Park It- These are the things that you want to do, but warrant another season for more time and effort. You don't want to forget about them, but you cannot devote the time it takes for them and that is okay. You aren't shaming, you're parking it.

 Share it.

A highly suggested next step to this is to review the lists with your people. Your team, your spouse, your friends, your family. Ask them for help. Ask them to hold you accountable to stop putting your energy and time places that don't serve you. And let me clarify-- this is not to ask for permission, BTW. It’s to stake your claim on your life and their role in it as a caring, loving person.

 Hug it out.

Lastly, I suggest that after completing this list, you give yourself a big giant hug and say "thanks frand"-- because this step is one step forward in changing your life.

And only you can do that.