How to make progress on your goal when you don’t feel like it

Change is more than just making decisions and taking actions or small tiny habits —change is an emotional journey. What this means is that you feel specific emotions as you move on your path to change, and understanding this journey can be the key to staying aligned to your goals.

You are very smart, strategic woman who loves to know what's coming next. And when it comes to the growth or progress on the goal you have chosen, you want to be prepared.

One way to prepare yourself is to not just plan around what you are going to do, but what emotions you are going to feel and how to manage these feelings so you remain productive in pursuit of your goal.

In a world where you are told to keep your feelings to yourself, to not be so emotional, or to lock down the feels, you are actually going to get those feelings out and use all of them as navigation points to continue on your journey for growth.

The emotional cycles of change came from these two dudes ---Dr. Don Kelley and Daryl Connor--who are organizational change experts and developed the Emotional Cycle of Change to help individuals and teams understand the psychological and emotional experiences involved in making significant changes.

Their research focused on the human side of transformation, emphasizing how emotions influence motivation, decision-making, and perseverance. They created this framework from their studies of behavioral patterns in corporate settings and personal development, highlighting that change is not just a logical process but an emotional journey.

Surprise, surprise--you are a human being with emotions that are meant to be acknowledged.

They identified a predictable sequence of emotional stages that you experience when making significant changes and each stage, if understood, can be managed with greater intentionality so you keep that growth fire burning bright, versus burning out.

There are 5 stages- I will share all 5, then break each of them down and share tips on how you can prepare for each.

1. Uninformed Optimism

2. Informed Pessimism

3. The Valley of Despair

4. Informed Optimism

5. Success and Fulfillment

Let's dive into each stage of the cycle.

Stage 1--Uninformed Optimism

This is the “honeymoon phase” of change. You’re excited, hopeful, and full of big ideas about what this new life will look like.

For example, maybe you’ve decided this is the year you are leaving the comfort zone of your current role and employer, and you're going to play big and go after an executive title with more money.

You are all fired up-- you write down your new title, you start to think about the new brands you want to work on and you get excited about having more responsibility and more influence.

You have that shoulder pad energy, and this is the best part, right?

At this phase, if you had a mantra it would be -- all I see is opportunity-- and it feels inspiring and energizing.

The Key tip here is to obviously enjoy this emotional state, and take advantage of this excitement to not just visualize and think about this goal, but get grounded on what you need to do to move forward, and -- and this is important--- ask yourself what obstacles you may face.

I know, I know-- no one wants boogers on a vision board, but this is the one area you forego, and it is actually so important to do when you are starting out…

So while you are thinking about that new business card and your name in the box on that org chart, I want you to put together an action plan of what you think you need to do, and then I want you to write down the road blocks you will face and a strategy for them.

So for example, you will need to get your resume ready, and apply to jobs, but let's also get real, you are going to need to NETWORK- so you have to ensure you reach out to people, and you will have to interview.

Obstacles to these actions could be: Not hearing back, not making time to do these tasks, and  handling rejection.

So ask yourself how will you handle these obstacles?

• Perhaps you have a long list of potential new companies to target

• Maybe you commit to connecting with 5 people per day who can help you connect with new companies- like recruiters or hiring managers or current employees at that desired company.

• You block your calendar from 6 am-7am every day to do the prep work and the outreach

• And you get your subconscious aligned to the mantra that "All rejection is God's protection"

For some of you, you may still be in the phase of uninformed optimism and you are saying bitch. Don't kill my vibe--- but I am telling you to go back and put your action plan and your obstacle plan together, because you are going to need it for phase 2.

2. Informed Pessimism

Informed pessimism is phase 2. This is when the novelty wears off. I liken this phase to when you get back from your honeymoon-- there is no more wedding to plan, no more beach time--- it's you, your husband, Home Depot, Target, work and meal planning. There's no more hits of dopamine… you may get a bit bored, or start to feel a sense of dread when you pull out the plan you need to work to get the change you want.

You realize change or growth can be harder, or take longer than expected.

This is the phase where you are most likely going to question if you're "ready"… or if the goal is worth your time and energy.

This stage is critical because it is the point where you are most likely to talk yourself into quitting.

In this phase, the first key strategy is to Remember your why. I know that you hear this all the time, but it is truly important that you discern if you are doing something out of interest or commitment. Why did you want things to change? Write it down or keep a visual reminder nearby.

The other is to go back to that obstacle plan and make sure you are handling the obstacles in a productive way. Maybe you reached out to network with 5 people outside of the current company, but only really met with 2. Get back to work and determine what is working and what needs to be adjusted.

Usually at this phase, you may have to adjust your timeline, or your action plan-- what I want to encourage you not to do, is to challenge your vision.

Like all things in life, this stage is temporary—acknowledge your frustrations but focus on the bigger picture. And you will need it because the next phase is…

3. The Valley of Despair

Ah, the hardest part. This phase is about as fun as it sounds. This is when feelings of doubt or overwhelm --even guilt --can creep in. In phase 2- informed pessimism you were questioning the timing or the need-- here you are questioning your self-- and maybe even your self-worth.

You might think, “Why did I even try this?” or “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”

For working women we are juggling a lot and between work and family, the pressure that an additional goal or change can create without progress can feel unbearable… specifically if you feel that you are exchanging your time and energy in one area for growth in another.

For example, if you are looking for that new job, you may need to spend the early mornings working on your  resume and your pitch for an interview instead of going to the gym, or sleeping in, or listening to your favorite podcast….

But here’s the good news: the valley is also where the growth happens. This is the bridge that is required to get into the new city of your life… where you look forward to your Mondays as much as you look forward to a shirt-less Ryan Gosling.

This is the phase where you need to ask for help and support. Obvi, friends, family and your partner are critical to pitching in on errands, responsibilities, etc. Beyond this, having a coach who is in the trenches with you can give you space to manage these emotions and manage your progress, while maintaining your vision. Often times you feel guilty about shouldering doubt on others because you don't want to weigh them down… that's why you hire a coach- its my job to create space for the valley of despair, and also keep you moving forward…getting you back on the happy train to…

4. Informed Optimism

Ahh yess--- here we are.

If you stick it out, if you don't quit, if you put your trust into you vision, or your calling or your growth, versus your outside world- you’ll reach this stage.

This is where you start to see results—maybe you get a few nibbles at your resume. Maybe you get to the second-round of an interview panel. Maybe you reach out to a CEO and she returns your email.

Whatever happens, you realize the effort was worth it.

This is where you have to celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Recognizing your wins fuels your motivation to keep going. Think about this phase as capturing the learnings, the perspective shifts, the outcomes that came with you doing the work, even if the outright goal has not yet been met.

So you celebrate…

You high-five yourself about gaining confidence in reaching out to strangers.

You rejoice  top recruiters knowing your name.

You look at your kickass resume and all those keywords and you feel proud of your career.

You realize you care less and stress less about what is happening at the old ball and chain job.

And I am not using celebrate as a fancy term to describe a pat on the back. You need to throw yourself a little party… buy a present for you. Take a day off. Go see a movie. Get a pedicure. Go to your favorite coffee place--- take your hot ass out on a date, because you need to keep this lady happy and fueled…

Because the next and final phase is…

5. Success and Fulfillment

This is the payoff. You got the offer you wanted. You’ve achieved your goal and feel gratitude, love, joy, peace--- all those positive emotions that come with the sense of accomplishment.

In this phase- enjoy it. Celebrate some more, and reflect on your journey. Because knowing you, you are going to create another goal for yourself, and that means a whole new cycle of feelings.

Bringing all of this here content to creating a life you love-- a life where Mondays are your favorite, here are a few ways to bring all that you learned home, so you can apply this wherever you are in your change cycle…

Identify Where You Are

Take a moment to reflect: What stage of the emotional cycle are you in right now? And know that where you are is not who you are- it's simply a point.

Build a Support System

Change is easier when you’re not alone. If you are serious about growth, get serious about making investments in your growth -- and that means investing in a support structure. Get yourself a coach who can hold the space you need through these emotional phases.

Commit to Consistency, Not Perfection

Progress isn’t about being perfect every day—it’s about showing up. Even small, consistent actions can lead to big results over time.

So my frand, wherever you are in your journey, know this: you have the power to create the life you want. It starts with understanding your emotions, embracing the process, and staying committed to your vision.

If you found this content helpful, please share it with a friend or leave a review and find me on Instagram @lizmayercoachme.