The Most Common Mistake
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The most common mistake you are making is thinking that you need others to give you opportunities/change/growth. There I said it.
Let’s dive in deeper.
I want to start with talking about where change comes from in our lives. I was coaching a client the other day who was unhappy with his career state. And as we were talking about this, the idea came to me that the issue wasn’t his experience or talent, and it wasn’t his employer or his boss. The issue was how he thought about where change comes from in his life.
And it’s a common thought error for all of us.
When we think about the growth we want in our life, we know that it requires change. But often times we wait for the change to come externally. We want more money, so we wait for the employer to recognize our talent. We want more responsibility, so we wait for that job offer. And the truth is that if you’re working in a setting where someone else pays you, that yes, they have to align to the value exchange of “ giving you a raise” or “ giving you a title” – but I want to challenge this thinking for the sake of empowering you.
When you get stuck in thinking of yourself as the recipient of opportunities (money, title, etc.) it is very easy to feel disempowered. Instead, what I will coach you to think (and what I coached my client to think about), is that your role is to create opportunities. And how do you do that? You start to work on what you can control, and you start with your mind—your thoughts!
If instead of thinking, “I need my boss to give me a raise” what if you started to thinking instead “I determine my desired income, and I add value in alignment to this” or something like, “When I offer tremendous value, I generate my income possibilities.” Or some version that fits you. The point in addressing this, is that when you constantly look for the external world (our boss, our spouse, our friends, the bank) to validate you, when they fail to do this in a way that you want, you feel disappointed and disempowered.
And when you feel disappointed or disempowered or frustrated, what do you do?
Well, you likely avoid asking for what you want. You may stop working towards your goal. You may drink or eat or scroll your feelings.
What I want you to do instead, is to recognize that in any situation, you have the power to determine your growth, and that is by choosing to speak to yourself, to think to yourself that you create your own results.
So just for this week, or this month, start adopting the thought that you create your own opportunities. And see how that thinking makes you feel. And what type of action that thinking inspires. This practice alone can be life-changing. Imagine if you told yourself every morning something like, “I create my opportunities.” Would you sit back and wait for an email from your boss promoting you? HELL NO! You’d determine how you’d add maximum impact in the next 24 hours so that you do, in fact, create your own momentum.
Now go forth and prosper. If you change your thoughts, you can change your life.
