How you know if you are successful
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Sometimes it is obvious if we are succeeding because we get proof. We get a promotion. We get an increase in salary. We get a great performance appraisal. We get a nice complement. And those things can feel really good, but what about when those things don’t come quickly when we are seeking a transformation?
You know that lasting changes and big goals can take a while, but what I have found in myself and in clients is at times, when success and achievement does not come easy, or soon, or we don’t see immediate progress, we can want to say “F this” and either change our mind, change the goal, or change the plan before it’s even had time for our seeds to take root.
Here's the thing, proof of success in your strategy doesn’t always have to be outside signs of progress, like a pat on the back, a letter sweater or a fancy business card. But it is important when you are setting out to make moves in your life to have clear indicators of performance. These indicators not only keep you focused but keep you accountable- if they are set correctly.
A common saying is that we overestimate what we can do in a year, and we underestimate what we can do in 10 years. When we don’t correctly project how much time it will take us to see success, or we don’t focus on the right indicators, it can be really tempting to get impatient and change paths, or even worse- quit, because we are not seeing progress outwardly.
Come on, you know it’s happened. Here are some examples of how this could show up for you…
- You want to lose 10 lbs. so you go on a diet and after 10 days you haven’t lost weight, so you switch diets completely. And then after 10 more days of a lack in progress you throw your hands up and quit because “nothing works.”
- You have your heart set on a promotion at work and you enjoy where you work, you kick-ass at the interview, and you prepare like hell, but work chooses another incumbent for promotion. You tell yourself that you are bad at your job, your employer sucks, and you start looking for ways to get out of that place.
- You want to earn more money so that you can move into a larger home in a better school district. You decide to start a side hustle via a MLM gig for a brand you love and use every day. You reach out to your friends and family to see if they want to buy from you and they all say no, so you throw in the towel on the MLM and have a garage sale instead.
The issue in all of these examples comes down to impatience and unrealistic expectations. You take a “not yet”, or not today to mean a not ever, get the hell out of here and stay small. We want growth and we want change, but the price of change is time, consistency and accountability. And that shit is boring. And that doesn’t sound as fun as just having the change, damnit.
What you need to do, when you’re developing your personal strategy, is get really clear on what success means.
Here’s how to do that:
1. Make your goal kinda SMART… specific, measurable, actionable…
Define the time period for shits and giggles, and be okay if it takes longer. We hear about the idea of having a smart goal (specific, measurable, actionable, reaslistic and time constrainted), but here is the thing, often times we don’t know what is realistic and/or how much time it will take to do the damn thing--- specifically if that goal is something that you have never done before, and/or that goal may require things that are out of your control to accomplish. So be specific and make sure it’s measurable and actionable- but perhaps you enable flexibility in the time it takes…and you commit yourself to be resolute on what you want even if it takes longer.
2. Establish lag and lead indicators
Lag indicators are the easy ones- they are ways you know you have met your goal because you meet the goal. A goal income, a goal weight, a goal title… those are examples of the lag indicators. Achieving the lag indicator means that you did a kick-ass job on the lead indicators.
Lead indicators are ways that you know that you’re heading in the right direction, usually by your own efforts. If you are trying to get a new job, you reach out to network with 3-5 people a week or apply to 3-5 roles. If you are trying to get promoted, you volunteer for a project that has you “punching above” your current paygrade. If you are trying to sell more stuff, you reach out to 50 people and make an offer.
The whole reason we take the time to put a strategic plan together for ourselves is so that we can get from one point to another… the lead indicators are ways that you can embracing the change before the goal hits.
3. Assume obstacles
You need to be prepared for things to be hard. You need to anticipate grit. And it’s even better if you write down what those hard things are so you can strategize around them. When it comes down to measuring your success and leading indicators, I love to think of obstacles overcome as a key leading indicator that can help give you credit for moving in the right direction.
4. Identify the feeling in alignment with your goal and practice those feelings.
I am a proponent of the concept that we are all seeking to get a feeling or avoid a feeling. You want to have a better title because you want to feel successful. You want to make more money because you want to feel powerful or sufficient. You also may avoid doing certain things to stay comfortabl.
It’s important when you’re crafting a strategy for yourself with goals, that you think about what feeling you are seeking. Now let me be clear, I am not saying that when you seek a goal and ultimately achieve it that the feeling that you seek will be that way 100% of the time. That is a load of bologna and believing that we will get something and then never feel otherwise is a load of crap. You can get the promotion and still feel inadequate. You can make more money and still feel at times a sense of lack… good and bad feelings are part of the human experience and if we deny the bad as part of life and part of the good, we are not realistic. However, what I would ask you to do is to think of how you want to feel on purpose and in alignment with your goal. Use how you’re feeling to help you navigate your strategy. I’d ask you to consider both positive and uncomfortable feelings.
Let’s say as a part of your strategy to create a whole-ass life you want, you determine you need to find a new job that makes the same amount of money or more, where you don’t work as much (let’s say 40 hours a week). You will want to feel confident, you will also want to feel successful and then here’s the critical thing… think of an emotion that isn’t really ideal but is required to get you to where you want to be: You know you will need to feel uncomfortable to put yourself out there.
So, you practice ways of feeling confident… you think thoughts that create confident feelings, and you also expect that you will feel uncomfortable too… you practice the good feelings, and you expect the less than great feelings and continue moving. Because the hard things are often the things we don’t want to feel. And if we feel them and do it anyway, we are one step closer to badassery.
5. Include accountability
External accountability is awesome and that is why you should always have a performance coach. (like me). But if you make the decision not to invest in a coach, then you need to do the work to be accountable to yourself.
A tip I’d suggest for you is to get really clear on why you want the change, and get so damn focused on this why that you see a clear picture of your future self and it is so desirable to you, that staying the same is painful. Then you remind yourself of that every day, and when the going gets tough, you get going on those leading indicators, because you know they are transforming you one step at a time.
Forget waiting to feel motivated. That won’t happen often enough. Start feeling so drawn to the vision of your life- your personal strategy- that staying stuck in your current reality and missing out on your strategy sucks. That will get you moving.
So in closing, Love, I hope that this you realize that the most powerful change in your life comes from when you start loving your strategy, that you refuse to let that strategy, that desire, down. That you become so in love with the progress you want to create change in the areas even when it doesn’t feel great. I hope that even the boring kind of progress is as exciting for you as the title, the letter sweater or the paycheck you get.
Remember you are creating a life- that takes not only courage not only to start, but to keep going. And we all know that the price of achievement is courage.
